John Cena
John Cena (also know as Bryce Boltson and Doctor of Thuganomics) is a professional wrestler, rapper, and actor. He is the public face of the WWE. Birth and Early Life John Cena was born with the name Bryce Boltson near San Francisco. He eventually signed up for the military at the age of 18 in the distant future. Since he was so fucking scrawny and shitty, the military decided to buff him up with an experimental super soldier serum. This was successful, but unfortunately it caused him to have a roid-rage and he killed everyone on the base with his signature move, the Five Knuckle Shuffle. After calming down, he realized what he did and decided to retreat through an experimental time-machine that was laying on the floor of the girls bathroom covered in cute girl piss. He traveled to the year 1999 and changed his name to John Cena. He eventually became the world-famous wrestler we know today. But when the Bryce in the present saw John Cena on television one day and thought to himself, "This is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever seen." This created a time paradox, with Bryce instead becoming obsessed with snails and never signing up for the military. This paradox, thankfully, somehow didn't destroy John Cena. Skills and Abilities '''Attitude Adjustment - '''This move was originally called The FU, named due to Cena's early feud with Brock Lesnar (whose finisher was called the F5). Now, as a 'fan favorite', Cena's finisher has a less-controversial name. Cena's proven that he can take out any opponent with this finisher, landing it on everyone from Rey Mysterio to The Big Show. When the opponent is weak enough, Cena will pick them up in a Fireman's Carry, holding them over his shoulders. Cena will then throw his weight to the side with a Death Valley Driver-like maneuver, sending the opponent down to the mat. The pinfall can come soon afterwards, unless Cena wants to apply his STF submission hold. '''The STF - '''The STF, short for Stepover Toehold Facelock, was said to have been started by Lou Thesz and perfected by wrestlers like Masahiro Chono. Cena opted to take on the move due to his frequent battles against much-larger wrestlers, where a submission hold might be easier to land than the Attitude Adjustment. At one point, to fit Cena's personality, the submission hold was called the STFU. However, now that he's a fan favorite, it's back to just an STF. With the opponent face-down on the mat, Cena will lock one of the opponent's ankles behind him, twisting it backwards. Cena then leans over the wrestler, grabbing the head and pulling back, creating tremendous pressure on multiple parts of the wrestler's body. It is not an easy hold to escape from, and wrestlers from Triple H to the Great Khali have been forced to tap out to the Doctor of Thuganomics. '''Five Knuckle Shuffle - '''While not a finishing maneuver, Cena has become well-known for his Five Knuckle Shuffle. It's patterned, in part, in the same way as The Rock's People's Elbow. With the opponent flat on the mat, Cena will signal the move with a hand waved in front of his face (signalling "You Can't See Me"). He then goes off the ropes and comes back with a fist drop onto the opponent's head, stunning them, but rarely keeping them down long enough for a pin. This one's more for the fans than anything. '''Super Human Strength - '''John Cena has the strength of at least 5414 elephants and has wrestled many other super humans and won such as: Superman, Goku, The Incredible Hulk, Hulk Hogan, and The Rock. John Cena one time had to save a man from being hit by a truck by stopping it with his body, without taking any serious injuries. He then preceded to an AA on the trucker.